The Doctor's Secret Confession
by DarkSunshine306
Summary: The Doctor leaves Rory a note, saying all the things he never could to his face.. Set after Angels in Manhattan, so SPOILERS! Fluffy, angst-y little one shot. Rated T for some coarse language.


**A/N: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters; it all belongs to the BBC. Just a little something I've been working on. Absolutely love the Doctor and Rory as a pair, and I think this could have actually been what was going through his mind. I hope so anyway... Read and Review :)**

My Roman,

Weeks may have passed since you were taken out of my life, yet the images still haunt me. Seeing your smiling face one minute, me turning my back for a split second and hearing Amy scream my name. When I turned around, the space where you had been standing was now occupied by a weeping angel. It took a while for the realisation that you were gone to actually properly sink in. It can't be. I just refused to accept that horrible truth. Then Amy left after you... The pair of you were the first faces this face saw. How could I possibly go on without Amelia Pond, the girl who waited, without you, Rory the Roman?

I can remember the first time I saw you. I put up my defences when you said you were Amy's boyfriend... I suddenly felt the urge to be in her place. I hadn't felt a pull towards a human, or well, any creature, like that in... Oh Christ, such a very long time. If I'm being honest with you, when I decided to get out of the raggedy clothes I was secretly hoping you'd keep watching and not turn your back. But never the matter, what's done is done.

I knew from the moment I set eyes on you that you were something special, and that special was something I wanted in my life. The more we talked, the more I realised how utterly amazing you truly were. You are selfless. You are strong-willed. Determined. Sexy. Even though it shames me sometimes to admit, I quickly began to fall for you, a married man. You questioned me in times of trouble like in Venice; you told it to me straight; that I make people want to impress me. That fact had never dawned on me before that moment, yet from only spending a short time with me did you realise that yourself. And you took it one step further than just knowing it yourself! You had the balls to tell it to my face. It was then that I respected you a hell of a lot more.

Then in 2020 on earth when you were shot by the bloody Silurian Restac... Jesus Rory, the feelings that went through my body at that moment still indescribable to this day. Seeing that light fade from your beautiful blue eyes, seeing the light from the crack in time and space cover your body and erase you from history was heartbreaking. There was I, consoling Amy trying to get her to keep the image of you inside her head. I felt as though, if she remembered as well, it wouldn't have been a dream. That you were actually a real person and not just someone who I had made up to keep me company to make my hearts skip a beat whenever I saw your face. She forgot however... The only thing that kept me remembering you were here; the only thing that helped me sleep at night was the fact the engagement ring you got her was still here. It lies on my bed side table to this very day.

Then came the day Amy and I went to the opening of the Pandorica. It had been months since I last saw you, since I last heard your voice and quick-witted comments, and then all of a sudden there you were. Saving Amy from that Cyberman. It took me far longer than it should have for me to realise that it was you who was the Roman Centurion. All I wanted to do was hug you and never let go. But I couldn't ignore the fact that you had been completely erased from history. There was no physical way you could actually be here. Oh Rory, I'm an old man... Why I couldn't just be glad you were back still baffles me, but seeing the universe as I have changes your perspective on pretty much everything. All I could hope was that it actually was a proper miracle, that you were truly back with us, but no. You had to be a Nestene lump of plastic and unknowingly break my hearts all over again. But I suppose re-booting the universe did its trick, so you never died and you weren't plastic. Thank bloody God I did it, even though you two almost didn't remember me.

At Demon's Run, you fought brilliantly. And may I just say that a crying Roman with a baby is most definitely cool, even little Melody said so. I speak baby, remember? I just didn't mention that bit... Was I jealous that you'd had a baby with your wife? Little bit yeah, I wanted you all to myself, I'm a selfish man. But my two best friends having a baby together, I also couldn't be happier. I remember that one time when you and Amy asked for a new bedroom without bunk beds – beds with ladders? Honestly you stupid people, you cannot get cooler than that! But you asked me if I had my own room... The urge to throw myself at you then and there was so strong it took all of my will to act indifferent. Could you be asking because you want to give me a midnight visit? Were you insinuating something? Bloody hell, if only.

I soon began to realise just how dangerous it really was to be around me, so I had to give you both up. I gave you your dream house with a little bit of me, the TARDIS blue door. Couldn't resist. Then the incident in Utah at Lake Silenceo when I was shot. Not being able to tell you that I was still alive, that the Teselecta opted to take my place while I was safe inside. That killed me, knowing you were clueless to the fact that I was actually alive. God, you should see the smile on my face of me imaging you saying to me that there's always a place for you at the table. You made me the happiest person in the world just then, I swear to god.

At the Parliament of the Daleks, I noticed something was up with you and Amy, and why wasn't I jumping for joy? I could have had you all to myself! I just couldn't stand to see that look in your eyes, the one where you would glance at her, you'd smile a little less and your eyes would become rich with longing. Above all people, you deserved to be happy. So yes, I wanted you for myself, but I couldn't steal you from the girl who so obviously still loved you.

Then with the dinosaurs. You just impressed me so much; there could be defences and that would make our lives so much easier! I finally thought to myself, _screw it_, and I kissed you, something I had wanted to do for what felt like an eternity. The feel of your soft lips upon mine gave me the shivers, still does. I felt a jolt of electricity run between us in that short little moment, yet if it were up to me I would never have pulled back. That night, I lay awake replaying that moment, imagining what could have happened if you felt this way for me, and if we were alone. Call me perverted, I don't care. I just thought that moment over and over, smiling softly and wondering if you were thinking about it too. And oh, by the way. Cute orange pants. Seeing you like that was somewhat a fantasy of mine, so thank you for, unknowingly, giving me that fantasy.

So here I am, back to the beginning. If there was one thing I could change about our time together, I would change the fact that you didn't know about my feelings. I kept it all bottled inside because I was afraid of how you would've reacted. Christ, I was afraid of getting hurt and of you seeing me completely differently. You were someone who challenged me. Changed me. Made me laugh. Made me feel happy. You were the person who I felt as though I could fall for, and fall I did. If only you knew... So really Rory, what I'm trying to say is. I miss you. So, so much. And if there was anything I could do to bring you back, I would.


End file.
